How to split holidays between two families
Both sets of parents want you at the table on the same two days. Couples tend to land on one of a handful of patterns. This page walks through them, what each one costs, and a way to choose that doesn't leave one side counting.
The patterns couples use
Alternate the big holidays by year
One year Thanksgiving goes to your family and Christmas to your partner's. The next year they trade. Fox 13's guide to splitting the holidays lists this among its options. Everyone gets a turn at each holiday every other year, which is easy to explain. The catch is that Christmas morning falls on the same family two years apart, and the other side gets Christmas only in alternate years.
Give each family a different holiday
The same guide suggests assigning one holiday to each side, such as Hanukkah with one family and Christmas with the other, and switching the next year if someone is unhappy. This works when the families celebrate different things. When both want the same day, it becomes the alternating pattern with extra steps.
Split the day
When both sets of parents live nearby, one option is brunch at one home and dinner at the other. The guide says this suits families who gather at different times, such as Christmas Eve for one side and Christmas Day for the other. You spend the day in the car, and the person who hosts the first meal has to let you leave. It is the pattern that needs the least advance travel and the most patience.
Host both families yourself
Your home is neutral ground, and nobody travels. The article advises it only if you have the room and the families get along, and says to share the tasks so hosting is a team effort. If you cook, you do it every year, so ask for help early.
Celebrate on another date
The Connected Couples guide includes picking a nearby day when being together matters more than the calendar date. A dinner on the 23rd or the weekend before costs the family that "loses" the holiday much less than a missed day. The families need to agree that the date counts.
Before you pick one
Decide as a couple before you answer either family. Connected Couples suggests that each partner first says what they most want to keep from the holiday, and that your own household's traditions go into the plan from the start instead of getting whatever is left over.
Set a travel limit. The same guide counts the full cost of a visit: packing, traffic, meals, pet care, recovery and the trip home. If one family is a six-hour drive away and the other lives across town, the same number of holidays means very different amounts of effort. You can accept that, or give the far family the longer stay in return.
Agree on exceptions ahead of time. Illness, a death in the family or a long trip should change the plan for that year without creating a debt that follows you around. And when you tell both sides, Fox 13 has the tip I'd follow: present the plan to both families as a decision the two of you made together.
Three patterns over four years
The tables below run the planner for four years with Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. The count under each shows who gets what.
Swap everything each year
| Year | Thanksgiving | Christmas Eve | Christmas Day |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2026 | Your familyThu Nov 26 | Your familyThu Dec 24 | Your familyFri Dec 25 |
| 2027 | Partner's familyThu Nov 25 | Partner's familyFri Dec 24 | Partner's familySat Dec 25 |
| 2028 | Your familyThu Nov 23 | Your familySun Dec 24 | Your familyMon Dec 25 |
| 2029 | Partner's familyThu Nov 22 | Partner's familyMon Dec 24 | Partner's familyTue Dec 25 |
| Count | Thanksgiving | Christmas Eve | Christmas Day | Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Your family | 2 | 2 | 2 | 6 |
| Partner's family | 2 | 2 | 2 | 6 |
Even: every family has the same number of each holiday over these 4 years.
Thanksgiving and Christmas swap
| Year | Thanksgiving | Christmas Eve | Christmas Day |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2026 | Your familyThu Nov 26 | Partner's familyThu Dec 24 | Partner's familyFri Dec 25 |
| 2027 | Partner's familyThu Nov 25 | Your familyFri Dec 24 | Your familySat Dec 25 |
| 2028 | Your familyThu Nov 23 | Partner's familySun Dec 24 | Partner's familyMon Dec 25 |
| 2029 | Partner's familyThu Nov 22 | Your familyMon Dec 24 | Your familyTue Dec 25 |
| Count | Thanksgiving | Christmas Eve | Christmas Day | Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Your family | 2 | 2 | 2 | 6 |
| Partner's family | 2 | 2 | 2 | 6 |
Even: every family has the same number of each holiday over these 4 years.
Mix them up each year
| Year | Thanksgiving | Christmas Eve | Christmas Day |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2026 | Your familyThu Nov 26 | Partner's familyThu Dec 24 | Your familyFri Dec 25 |
| 2027 | Partner's familyThu Nov 25 | Your familyFri Dec 24 | Partner's familySat Dec 25 |
| 2028 | Your familyThu Nov 23 | Partner's familySun Dec 24 | Your familyMon Dec 25 |
| 2029 | Partner's familyThu Nov 22 | Your familyMon Dec 24 | Partner's familyTue Dec 25 |
| Count | Thanksgiving | Christmas Eve | Christmas Day | Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Your family | 2 | 2 | 2 | 6 |
| Partner's family | 2 | 2 | 2 | 6 |
Even: every family has the same number of each holiday over these 4 years.
Notice that "Swap everything" is even over any two years, while "Mix them up" gives one family two holidays and the other one in a single year, then reverses. Fair over the cycle, lopsided in any one year. Try your own names in the planner, with your family names and more years.
If a court order already applies
This page is for couples and siblings working out a plan. If a court order or a parenting plan already sets holiday time for children, that order comes first, and changes go through the people who drafted it.
Want the Christmas-only version? See alternating Christmas years with in-laws.